The Importance of Love

First of all, I have to say thank you to all of the people who have loved and supported me throughout my entire life. I would not have made it to where I am today, or be the person I am today, without you all.

I had report card conferences last week, and I knew that some of my students' parents would not make it in because of various reasons. I received a phone call from Sally's mother early this week about meeting since she had missed them. Sally had told me that her mother had just recently had a baby - understandable reason for her to not be able to make it.

When I got the phone call, the mother wondered why her daughter had not told me to call her yet - she had expected Sally to tell me to give her a call, and that I would do it that day...I found it odd that she thought her daughter had lied to her about telling me, and that she had assumed that Sally had not when I did not call that day. I have encountered this mother before, and she kept saying that her daughter is, 'tricky' and that she can't trust her. My response has always been fairly passive...I'd think to myself, "Okay, I can understand not trusting a 12-year-old."

So I arranged to stop by Sally's house today at 4 o'clock. When I got there, Sally let me in, and led me down the hall to the kitchen...dimly lit, quiet...Mom came out of what I assumed to be the bedroom holding the brand new baby...we say hello, how are you? and that sort of thing...I notice that Sally has quietly sat back down where she had been doing her science homework.

Mom and I both sat down on either side of Sally where she was working and I handed her the report card for her to look at. All of a sudden I realize another little head poke out of the bedroom...turns out that Sally has a little brother who was born with a mental disorder - I am not sure what it is, but he doesn't speak, and was very playful.

As mom starts to look at the report card, she begins to explain to me in several different ways how she cannot trust her daughter, how her daughter cannot focus, how her daughter isn't trying - all of these negative things about Sally - RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. I sat there wanting to cry out of despair and heartache - just wanting to hug on Sally and tell her to keep doing the best you can. She has a newborn at home, a challenged little brother, a mother who (no doubt loves her) is completely negative about her and who I have never seen smile, and no dad at home. When she spoke to me about how Sally cannot focus, I wanted to yell - DUH! DO YOU SEE ALL OF THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHE HAS??? DO YOU NOTICE THAT SHE HAS TO SHARE A BEDROOM WITH ONE OF TWO SIBLINGS, THAT SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH ONE UNSUPPORTIVE, NEGATIVE PARENT?

But she does not see all of those things. She does not see or know the benefits of positive reinforcement. She does not understand what her daughter needs in order to succeed in school. She does not realize that, while Tisdale has a lot of challenging students and situations, it is a fairly functional school with some pretty great teachers.

I held my tongue...I offered to take her home so that mom KNEW she went to tutoring after school and wasn't lying about that too. My kids need more love...much more love that I have to go around...well maybe I can't, but Christ can...sometimes our calling is really, really hard...and sometimes I feel like I am not making an impact on my students...but I know He is here...I know HE is the reason I am here.

Please pray for my school, my students, my administration, and my sanity.

God Bless,

Em

Thank Goodness for Bridgeport!

I am so thankful to work in a district that believes in both February break and April break. It is time for some rest (and some sunshine in California!) I will definitely miss my kiddies though...Lord knows how much I love my job, and my students. The third quarter finished last week, which I can't believe that I have been teaching so long already, and my kids have been worn out by the testing and requirements from the state and district level. Though they had all of this testing, I had almost NO time to teach them everything they needed to know from my curriculum this quarter! I don't know who the brilliant person is who decided it was a good idea to give them the 'Quarterly Online Assessment' from the district the week after we finished the CMT's (Connecticut Mastery Test), but they had to have been dropped when they were small...Honestly? Do we really need to test them for 4 WEEKS IN A ROW???

Oy, what a crock. My kids made it through alive, and that's the important thing. They still have as much energy as before, or maybe more! Wednesday was one of two ridiculous days I have had this year...It was one of those days that makes me realize why teachers consume 'adult beverages.' I know that my kids enjoy being in my class, and I know that the love i show them is reciprocated, but in the end, kids will still be kids. Chat chat chat, whisper whisper whisper, YELL YELL YELL!!! I couldn't believe it! The day could not end faster...Then while I was teaching today, my kids had one of those 'ah-HA!' moments that makes me remember how much I love my job. I know this is where I am supposed to be, and that it is NOT where some others are supposed to be. The reason this comes to mind is that while I was sitting in my room on a prep, Finance was in my room (we have a teacher who floats in and out.) As the teacher is struggling to get the students in their seats, quiet and ready to take a test, he got upset at the struggle. He yells at them, "This is why I HATE this class...this is the worst behaved class in the whole school."

HATE? Hate is a strong word...not only is there no way on God's green earth that I would use that towards an individual, but to a class full of 12/13-year-old students?! No way!!! I have come to realize SO much about what it takes to work in an urban school, and it is so much about the relationship that you build with the students. Without that relationship, you CANNOT succeed.

I have been blessed by people in my school who help me to realize my passion every once and a while. A colleague of mine said today, "After watching you in class today, I know you are seriously supposed to be here. I saw the joy in your face and the smile as you taught those kids today. It was really great to watch." I was flattered when he told me this, and I could not agree more with him. I responded with something to the effect of, "There are so many crazy days here, and I am sure that I could have days like today all the time at a suburban school, but it would never be this rewarding." The experiences that I give my kids that make my job my passion.

Please continue to pray for my students and my colleagues as we finish out this wonderful first year.

Emily