Finally!

It seems that, now, at the very end of the year, with ten days left, a certain person is starting to understand that our kids need to be given consequences.

Starting yesterday, our students were put on lock down - meaning that the 7th grade as a whole cannot handle walking through the halls without acting like animals (pretty sure I was able to do so when I was 12) and so they have all of their subjects in the same room all day, the teachers rotate. This was consequence number one.

Now, as I sit in the lounge because my room is occupied, I am watching as several EXTREMELY disrespectful students get sent home. There are a handful of them who are congregating in the hallway (which they have done all year) and they are actually being reprimanded for it. Hopefully this is a good sign, and I pray this will actually continue to be a pattern through the course of next year! Yes, these kids are rough, but we can't just give up and let them rule the hallways - I am A-OKAY with pissing them off and treating them as old as they act - about 3 that is. Send them home! Give them detentions! Make them clean the floors with a toothbrush for gracious-sake! I don't care what it is, but they need to be punished.

Back to the thought of the Harlem Children's Project - I really like the idea of parenting classes - discipline classes in particular. I wouldn't walk into a classroom without having been trained in classroom management, so shouldn't a parent enter parenthood without discipline classes.

I am thankful for having the wild experience of being a teacher because of the benefit of being trained on how to discipline - it works both ways! Teacher to parent, or parent to teacher...oh the joy of discipline.

PLEASE pray for our last 10 days at school...Lord knows it will be a long two weeks.

AlksjhdfpouahfjnaodsudhoJN!!!!

Sometimes I seriously have to say to myself in my head, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job!!!" I get so frustrated with the students who are so extremely rude to me that it takes all that I am not to lash out at them in anger (whether verbally or physically!!!) I honestly do not understand what is going through the minds of some young people these days.

I did hear about a great project called The Harlem Children's Zone. It is the mission and vision of one man who wants to change the lives and future of today's children, one block at a time. Lord, I wish I was involved in that right now...It might ease my frustrations at this point in time...I feel like I might blow my lid today...I am sitting in Reading and my students are supposed to do just that for 42 minutes...GET OVER IT! It is only 42 minutes. Do the right thing during English adn you won't have to read something "boring"!!!

PLEASE! Pray for my sanity today.

Involvement

As I think about my childhood, the best memories that I have are the ones that include my mom and dad. When I used to play soccer, mom and dad were there, every game, rain or shine. Even my grandparents made it to so many of my activities, even through my college years.

It is amazing to me the excitement that I saw in the eyes of my student, "Miles" when I cheered him on at his soccer game. I showed up at this game that was between Miles' team - the Bridgeport Freedom, and a team from a more affluent community. As I was waiting for the game to get started, I realized that as the other team's bench filled up with parents and supporters, I was one of 4 groups of people who showed up to cheer on the Bridgeport Freedom (by groups of people I mean that there were 4 different groups, each one there for one child - so 4 children being represented out of a team of about 12). Miles' family was not one of those groups. Now I understand that sometimes there are other things going on with other children. But as I recall, there was not a single game, play, or awards ceremony that my parents were not at. I don't care how busy you are, you need to be there, everyday, in every way possible for your children. I know that I am a better person, and more audacious because of my parents' involvement in my life.

I know that Miles heard me through his entire game as I cheered, encourage, and pushed him. He did great! And after the game I talked to him about the moments that he could have pushed - I talked to him about his need to work his ass off in every situation, whether it is school or soccer, or whatever! I know that he can be amazing - he's a very smart young man, but I don't know how motivated he is. I don't know if he has ever been pushed to be motivated about anything. Just that little extra push during his game, that little extra expectation made him work harder. If it were not for the encouragement from my parents, I'd probably be a rather mediocre teacher/wife/citizen of God. We must lead our kids (or student in my case) by example to help them understand the importance of hard work and motivation.

I guess I will be back out there at Miles' game next week too...

The Importance of Love

First of all, I have to say thank you to all of the people who have loved and supported me throughout my entire life. I would not have made it to where I am today, or be the person I am today, without you all.

I had report card conferences last week, and I knew that some of my students' parents would not make it in because of various reasons. I received a phone call from Sally's mother early this week about meeting since she had missed them. Sally had told me that her mother had just recently had a baby - understandable reason for her to not be able to make it.

When I got the phone call, the mother wondered why her daughter had not told me to call her yet - she had expected Sally to tell me to give her a call, and that I would do it that day...I found it odd that she thought her daughter had lied to her about telling me, and that she had assumed that Sally had not when I did not call that day. I have encountered this mother before, and she kept saying that her daughter is, 'tricky' and that she can't trust her. My response has always been fairly passive...I'd think to myself, "Okay, I can understand not trusting a 12-year-old."

So I arranged to stop by Sally's house today at 4 o'clock. When I got there, Sally let me in, and led me down the hall to the kitchen...dimly lit, quiet...Mom came out of what I assumed to be the bedroom holding the brand new baby...we say hello, how are you? and that sort of thing...I notice that Sally has quietly sat back down where she had been doing her science homework.

Mom and I both sat down on either side of Sally where she was working and I handed her the report card for her to look at. All of a sudden I realize another little head poke out of the bedroom...turns out that Sally has a little brother who was born with a mental disorder - I am not sure what it is, but he doesn't speak, and was very playful.

As mom starts to look at the report card, she begins to explain to me in several different ways how she cannot trust her daughter, how her daughter cannot focus, how her daughter isn't trying - all of these negative things about Sally - RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. I sat there wanting to cry out of despair and heartache - just wanting to hug on Sally and tell her to keep doing the best you can. She has a newborn at home, a challenged little brother, a mother who (no doubt loves her) is completely negative about her and who I have never seen smile, and no dad at home. When she spoke to me about how Sally cannot focus, I wanted to yell - DUH! DO YOU SEE ALL OF THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHE HAS??? DO YOU NOTICE THAT SHE HAS TO SHARE A BEDROOM WITH ONE OF TWO SIBLINGS, THAT SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH ONE UNSUPPORTIVE, NEGATIVE PARENT?

But she does not see all of those things. She does not see or know the benefits of positive reinforcement. She does not understand what her daughter needs in order to succeed in school. She does not realize that, while Tisdale has a lot of challenging students and situations, it is a fairly functional school with some pretty great teachers.

I held my tongue...I offered to take her home so that mom KNEW she went to tutoring after school and wasn't lying about that too. My kids need more love...much more love that I have to go around...well maybe I can't, but Christ can...sometimes our calling is really, really hard...and sometimes I feel like I am not making an impact on my students...but I know He is here...I know HE is the reason I am here.

Please pray for my school, my students, my administration, and my sanity.

God Bless,

Em

Thank Goodness for Bridgeport!

I am so thankful to work in a district that believes in both February break and April break. It is time for some rest (and some sunshine in California!) I will definitely miss my kiddies though...Lord knows how much I love my job, and my students. The third quarter finished last week, which I can't believe that I have been teaching so long already, and my kids have been worn out by the testing and requirements from the state and district level. Though they had all of this testing, I had almost NO time to teach them everything they needed to know from my curriculum this quarter! I don't know who the brilliant person is who decided it was a good idea to give them the 'Quarterly Online Assessment' from the district the week after we finished the CMT's (Connecticut Mastery Test), but they had to have been dropped when they were small...Honestly? Do we really need to test them for 4 WEEKS IN A ROW???

Oy, what a crock. My kids made it through alive, and that's the important thing. They still have as much energy as before, or maybe more! Wednesday was one of two ridiculous days I have had this year...It was one of those days that makes me realize why teachers consume 'adult beverages.' I know that my kids enjoy being in my class, and I know that the love i show them is reciprocated, but in the end, kids will still be kids. Chat chat chat, whisper whisper whisper, YELL YELL YELL!!! I couldn't believe it! The day could not end faster...Then while I was teaching today, my kids had one of those 'ah-HA!' moments that makes me remember how much I love my job. I know this is where I am supposed to be, and that it is NOT where some others are supposed to be. The reason this comes to mind is that while I was sitting in my room on a prep, Finance was in my room (we have a teacher who floats in and out.) As the teacher is struggling to get the students in their seats, quiet and ready to take a test, he got upset at the struggle. He yells at them, "This is why I HATE this class...this is the worst behaved class in the whole school."

HATE? Hate is a strong word...not only is there no way on God's green earth that I would use that towards an individual, but to a class full of 12/13-year-old students?! No way!!! I have come to realize SO much about what it takes to work in an urban school, and it is so much about the relationship that you build with the students. Without that relationship, you CANNOT succeed.

I have been blessed by people in my school who help me to realize my passion every once and a while. A colleague of mine said today, "After watching you in class today, I know you are seriously supposed to be here. I saw the joy in your face and the smile as you taught those kids today. It was really great to watch." I was flattered when he told me this, and I could not agree more with him. I responded with something to the effect of, "There are so many crazy days here, and I am sure that I could have days like today all the time at a suburban school, but it would never be this rewarding." The experiences that I give my kids that make my job my passion.

Please continue to pray for my students and my colleagues as we finish out this wonderful first year.

Emily

Frustrations...

The frustrations in my life come so many at a time and so close together...at school, at the grocery store, and on and on I could list the things that happen.

Last week I experienced something that I realize happens a lot (both in my classroom and in everyday American life), but for some reason this time it struck me to blog on the topic. Homeroom 240...my most challenging class this year! For whatever reason, children and adults alike find no room in their pea-sized brain to simply follow instructions...if we all did that, our lives would be soooooo much easier!

As I stood in front of 240 this past week waiting for them to realize I was waiting on them, I simply observed human nature. "Shut-up!" "No you shut-up!" "Why don't you BOTH shut-up!" This situation happens all the time in my classroom. Well, it didn't used to...they used to just continue to talk and not care. Now they get annoyed at each other, then yell back and forth for ten minutes until they run out of steam...don't be fooled though, they get it back in no time!

Frustrations such as this have happened to us since we were kids. I think that understanding manners and common courtesy could easily solve the problems we have in daily life. Heck, not only daily life, I think we might even have world peace!!! The point is that so many people have grown up being treated withOUT love, common courtesy, even faith, and I really believe that it has been detrimental to society.

Another example, or frustration rather, that could have been solved by a little love and faith in a child-hood...As Ryan and I were gone on Friday evening, we returned to find our lovely little apartment had been broken into! Blast! The moron took my computer (a cherished old friend who I have had for five and a half years!), Ryan's iPhone charger (creepy because they had to be snooping in our bedroom, come on now!), my iPod, and our jar of change that we've been saving. Now, in all honesty, WHO DOES THAT?! It makes me sick to think about it, but then I realize how seriously unintelligent this person had to be! Yea, ok intelligent enough to get a laptop, but we have so many more valuable things that he/she could have taken laying out in plain sight, and they choose the five-year-old computer? Clearly they need the money more than me...but REALLY? Thankfully I have most of my documents and photos backed-up to my external HD, but the plain fact that some creepo felt it necessary to enter our home and take things that don't belong to him/her is ridiculous...I guess that's why they call them thieves though. Like I said, had this person been taught through love, faith, and common courtesy, I would not be sitting here wanting to whoop someones butt right now!

When I think back to where this thought originated, I can only hope that my students don't fall into terrible habits such as stealing and worse. Fortunately, I have the opportunity with them to make sure they feel loved, and to make sure they know how to treat others. I may not get all of them, but as long as I get some of them, I am okay with that. It kills me to think that the first thought that my housemates and I thought was, "Well, it was when all the kids from *** school got out on Friday." This is an alternative school in the district where students who have been in trouble with the law are sent. Lucky for us, its four houses down. We shouldn't even have to suspect that a student from that school did this, but unfortunately we did. Unfortunately, human nature shows a pattern in people, and unless we are taught positive patterns, we will end in the destruction of self.

Please continue to pray for my kids, and all of the kids in the district. Please ask that they have mentors, and someone who loves them.

Shalom

What We Don't Understand

I have learned so many things about life this year....from my students, my family, and those I have been blessed to meet. I have learned so much more about humility and service, about compassion and blessings, and about how to appreciate what I have in life. I think that I appreciate my everyday blessings of food, family, and friends even more since I have begun teaching.

Recently I have begun to realize that my kids and their parents are doing what they know how to do to the best of their abilities. Majority of my student's parents are foreign...they might be from Jamaica, Puerto Rico, or some other country that is not well developed in the field of education. It is for this reason that I have realized they really don't know how to push their children beyond, "did you do your homework?" My assumption is that they don't truly understand what it takes to make it in the American world of education. My kids have been born into a world that they are set up to fail in. Starting in elementary school, they are already far beyond their peers for the simple fact that they might not have been read to as a small child. They have already not been exposed to the vocabulary that their wealthier peers have been exposed to. In seventh grade, those same parents are trying their darnedest to make ends meet, to give their child opportunity, but it really is a viscous cycle. If the parents of my kids cannot help them to go as far as possible, then how can we expect my kids to help their kids go as far as possible? And on and on it goes.

So here I am in the middle of an American crisis that not everyone recognizes or even knows about, and I am trying to stop the cycle. As only one person, I don't have enough energy to focus on all of my kids. So I have been faced with a choice. Looking at my students, I see so much potential in so many of them, but I am forced to pick and choose who I put the most of my energy into, who I push the hardest, and who I continue to challenge beyond the classroom. I feel the weight on my shoulders that bears down on me because I know in some cases, I am the only one who can really encourage my students to go far, and coach them to get there. Talk about an energy-draining job!

As I sat at dinner last night with a lovely family who supports Teach for America, I realized just how little my students have. I have gotten so used to the dingy clothing that many of them come to school in, and I have gotten used to the emotional struggles that they go through. I really should not be used to it at all. The four children in this family were so bright, so curious, and so well spoken that it made me sad when I think about my kids at school. The two boys in fifth grade are already so far beyond where my seventh graders are in school. They are so engaged in their learning, and so happy to be in school, and I saw so much potential! Then I look back to my kids...what they experience can only be changed by me at this point in their lives...please continue to pray for me and my kids as we go through our journey together this year...pray for their families who may be struggling...and thank you for all of the support you have blessed us with so far.