I had report card conferences last week, and I knew that some of my students' parents would not make it in because of various reasons. I received a phone call from Sally's mother early this week about meeting since she had missed them. Sally had told me that her mother had just recently had a baby - understandable reason for her to not be able to make it.
When I got the phone call, the mother wondered why her daughter had not told me to call her yet - she had expected Sally to tell me to give her a call, and that I would do it that day...I found it odd that she thought her daughter had lied to her about telling me, and that she had assumed that Sally had not when I did not call that day. I have encountered this mother before, and she kept saying that her daughter is, 'tricky' and that she can't trust her. My response has always been fairly passive...I'd think to myself, "Okay, I can understand not trusting a 12-year-old."
So I arranged to stop by Sally's house today at 4 o'clock. When I got there, Sally let me in, and led me down the hall to the kitchen...dimly lit, quiet...Mom came out of what I assumed to be the bedroom holding the brand new baby...we say hello, how are you? and that sort of thing...I notice that Sally has quietly sat back down where she had been doing her science homework.
Mom and I both sat down on either side of Sally where she was working and I handed her the report card for her to look at. All of a sudden I realize another little head poke out of the bedroom...turns out that Sally has a little brother who was born with a mental disorder - I am not sure what it is, but he doesn't speak, and was very playful.
As mom starts to look at the report card, she begins to explain to me in several different ways how she cannot trust her daughter, how her daughter cannot focus, how her daughter isn't trying - all of these negative things about Sally - RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. I sat there wanting to cry out of despair and heartache - just wanting to hug on Sally and tell her to keep doing the best you can. She has a newborn at home, a challenged little brother, a mother who (no doubt loves her) is completely negative about her and who I have never seen smile, and no dad at home. When she spoke to me about how Sally cannot focus, I wanted to yell - DUH! DO YOU SEE ALL OF THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHE HAS??? DO YOU NOTICE THAT SHE HAS TO SHARE A BEDROOM WITH ONE OF TWO SIBLINGS, THAT SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH ONE UNSUPPORTIVE, NEGATIVE PARENT?
But she does not see all of those things. She does not see or know the benefits of positive reinforcement. She does not understand what her daughter needs in order to succeed in school. She does not realize that, while Tisdale has a lot of challenging students and situations, it is a fairly functional school with some pretty great teachers.
I held my tongue...I offered to take her home so that mom KNEW she went to tutoring after school and wasn't lying about that too. My kids need more love...much more love that I have to go around...well maybe I can't, but Christ can...sometimes our calling is really, really hard...and sometimes I feel like I am not making an impact on my students...but I know He is here...I know HE is the reason I am here.
Please pray for my school, my students, my administration, and my sanity.
God Bless,
Em
Keep it up lady. Life has terribly difficult situations that you have to walk through in order to see the bigger picture. Allow yourself to be an opening, an avenue for your children and they will surely seize every opportunity to promote themselves. Children intrinsically want nothing more than love and support, whether that comes from mom or from Mrs. Shumway as long as she gets it she will continue to grow. Teachers are an integral part of a childs life for a reason.
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