Hello Again!

It's been a while since I last posted...life has been busy! I have made a school change, but I am still teaching middle school in Bridgeport.

At 3+ years into my teaching career, with all of my experience being in an urban setting, there are so many sad things that I am seeing academically. I am currently teaching at a college prep school. I have increased the rigor of my teaching in the past year, and have learned what it really means to be a teacher.

With the increased rigor in my teaching comes the sad realization that so many of our kids are left behind. It is hard on schools like mine to retain scholars until they are truly prepared to move on, knowing the material they need to know, because there is often such a large percentage who need to repeat a grade. So how do you choose? Why should Johnny be promoted over Sally? Oh, Sally's failing grade was a bit higher than Johnny's failing grade? The problem is that Sally, though her grade was higher, is still NOT ready to move on. It is a cycle of dead ends, failing grades, and disappointment for those scholars who are pushed on.
In higher performing suburban or private schools, the need for retention (I assume) is far less than what I have experienced, and therefore easier to accommodate those needs. How do we, as teachers, help those scholars who have been moved up because they are too old, have an IEP, or their failing grades were better? They end up completely unprepared for the next grade, and failing all over again.

If we continue to push our kids through, they're never going to be ready for life. It hurts my heart to think that I can't help those who need it the most when they are sitting right in front of me.

Tears of Joy

Earlier today as I was thinking about all of my frustrations, I had planned to write about those things that I am continually stressed and amazed by. After my first parent conference of the night, I am blessed to have my eyes opened.

I met a mother today at report card conference who, until this meeting, I had never met her. As she looked at her son's report card, and the major improvements that he has made in his grades and effort, she began to cry. She was so happy to see that he had been trying, and my student left with the biggest smile on his face! "This is all mommy asks for, right?" she said as she sat there and spoke with him, looking at his report card. This is one of those, "Aha!" moments where I feel like my work has paid off. This is a student who has come so far in terms of social interaction, responsibility, and anger management. I can only hope that some of it had to do with me.

Most of the time when I have report card conferences, I end up with children crying, and parents who are unhappy with their offspring. So far so good! I am overwhelmingly happy to see tears of joy running down a mothers face because she is proud of her child. Those same tears almost fell as I sat there next to them because I am proud of my student.

Blessings!

Wandering

I am pretty sure that students will not learn if they are wandering around in the hallway. To this point, I am not sure why students are allowed to simply stay in the hallway. As a teacher in the 7th and 8th grade wing, I had a 5th grade student today just sitting there. So many times this same student is in the hallway because "he's with the security guard." Well that's all fine and dandy, but first of all, it's definitely not HIS job to babysit, and second of all, GO TO CLASS! LEARN SOMETHING!

In my experience, which is all that I can speak to, students are allowed to carry on with behaviors that cause them to not learn. Wandering the hallway is a big one. 98% of the time when I see students in the hallway, I give them a 'what for' and tell them to get moving to class. The other 2% of the time, I'm so worn out that I cannot stand to deal with it. Mind you, this is not in my job description. It is not my job to clear the halls on my prep period. My job is to 'prep' on my prep period. It is this behavior, along with many others, that, when left un-touched by a disciplinary action, continues to perpetuate the sad excuse for a learning environment that I often teach in. Children wandering the halls, screaming between (or during) periods, jumping on others' backs, being EXTREMELY disrespectful, play fighting (or real fighting) in the hallways - it is these behaviors that we apparently don't care about which creates an atmosphere of chaos in. Oh, and we expect to improve test scores in this jungle...

We need to start small - 'Sweat the Small Stuff' as Achievement First would say. If we began the year with small things, discipline for small actions, not worrying about how long it takes in the beginning of the year - as long as we get it right - then at this point of the year, students would not be so crazy. I would not dread coming in to work most days. I would not work and teach in a jungle. Students might actually learn.

I am only one person. I can only do so much.

It's Amazing...

It's amazing to me the things that my students go through by the age of 14. I can't imagine being afraid for my mother. I can't imagine being asked to hold drugs for someone in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I can't imagine the stress my students are put through at home and then be expected to come to school and act as if nothing happened! I thought home was supposed to be a place of nurturing, of discipline, and of love. That's my ideal - and all I can do is pray that my students understand that through me if they don't get it at home.

The way that a parent can completely mess up a child's mind is incomprehensible for me. The children I come to work for day in and day out are so precious to me, and I cannot imagine putting them through the bulls#*t that some of these parents do. I guess that doesn't just happen in urban, low-income homes though. It is apparently something that goes on, unbeknown to so many of us who have stable family lives.

I wish I had a magic wand...I want to make it all better. I want all of my kids to be happy and healthy...they can't be happy all the time, but at least they could be most of the time.

Too Long

Wow, it has been waaaaaayyyyy too long since I last wrote. I got caught up in the stress, exhaustion, and endlessness of teaching that I neglected to share my thoughts.

Since September when I last wrote, I think that I have cried about 5 or so times out of frustration. I have been so overwhelmed with the lack of effort from people - and unfortunately that is out of my control. For some reason, unbeknown to me, not everyone works as hard as I do. For some reason, also unbeknown to me, not everyone in education is in it for the kids. Lord knows, they're not in it for the money, which leaves me wondering, "Why are you here?"

I find myself being discouraged all too often lately. At the end of the day, I am physically and mentally exhausted. I am definitely tired of being yelled at by students, I am tired of a lack of consequences, I am tired of not getting homework back, I am tired of students who think its cool to make fun of others, I am tired of trying to clear the hallways when it's not my job, I am tired of staff who do nothing but provoke students, I am tired of students getting out of consequences because, well, they didn't mean to do it, they just have a bad home life, I am tired of people not being in it for the kids.

I am not a parent, but I'll tell anyone that I have 86 kids who I love and care about; 86 kids who drive me up a wall daily; 86 kids who show they care in their own special way; 86 kids who America is failing; 86 kids who I work my ass of for day in and day out. They know I care...I cry out of utter frustration for them sometimes, instead of because of them.

Last year, there wasn't a single day that I was so overwhelmed from the day before that I didn't want to show up. That happened this week...I was so MAD and so FRUSTRATED that I just didn't want to go back. I got up in the morning and couldn't help but think about the day before. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and hope it was a bad dream...but it wasn't...it was a daymare! Then a friend told me, "There are only two things you can think about: your faith in God and your mission to help those kids no matter what." That's the only thing that got me through. I can count on no one but God to get me through days like these.

All I know today is that it is Friday. I used to make every day Friday with lots of wine...but these days I am learning to cope in healthier, more productive ways. It is Friday...so the day is good.

Blessings.

Emily

A Failing System

It has been far too long since I have written...hopefully I will stay on track from now on this year!


Sometimes I think that my puppy listens better than the students I have this year...and he is only five months old. It is amazing to me that no matter what we as a 7th grade team try, some of our students do not respond. They need boot-camp. I am not just saying that, they seriously need boot-camp, or a school version of it. Give them two weeks of sitting silently, walking in lines silently, raising their hand, practice practice practice practice practice. If they do it correctly, they get a break and go to a special...if not, they practice during their special.

We have no consequences besides a 'talking to.' Okay, so what, you talked to them...AND? What is that really going to do? They say it takes 21 times of doing something correctly for something to become a habit. For some of my classes, this is happening...for others? It will take all year! In fact, the habit is going to become the poor behavior, they've probably got 21 times of calling out, yelling at teachers, yelling at each other, screaming in the hallways, not doing their work or any of the other poor behaviors down as a habit already because they haven't been changed. They haven't been given a solid consequence. Talk to them until you are blue in the face, but give them a consequence like after school or Saturday detention, and they will buck up right quick.

It amazes me that people outside of my school (for example, people in my department) can see the problem, can see that we need administrative consequences, but that people inside my school cannot. Advice from Tito will probably be the best I have gotten. He basically told me that when he was in his school, he would raise hell if there was a problem, if there was something seriously wrong with the system in place...well Tito, I guess it is my turn to raise hell when something is not right...thanks for the advice.

I hate for this to see like a complaining rant, so let me change the tone for a bit. Though I have a large rock-in-my-shoe class, my other classes typically grind it down. As I am teaching my pre-algebra class, I have students who brighten my day, sometimes with ridiculous comments that should be punishable, but they make me laugh and that's a problem. Though I feel as though I have made little progress and it is going to be the fifth week of school, that progress base is the curriculum, and I do feel like I am making progress with the topics that my students are missing. Adding and subtracting decimal numbers...try this one at home:

230 + 5.79 = ?

So many of my students will get 8.09 for the answer...and they are in 7th grade if you have forgotten. Though they may have been taught for years and years to line up the decimal place, that the decimal goes at the end of a whole number, they somehow don't retain it over the summer. We have summer math packets that get sent home...I think 2 of my 80 students did it. We see this constant cycle of regression every summer, but what can we do for those students when they are not in school? We can't go home with them and force them to do math, or to read, or to write other than texting over the summer...so what can we do? What can I as just one person do? We need a better system to help those students who are in very different environments from my home growing up. Our system right now is not serving the students who live in poverty stricken areas such as Bridgeport, such as the Mississippi Delta, such as the Rio Grande Valley...our system is fine for students in more affluent areas, which doesn't mean they have to be rich. They are fine for students growing up in a middle class area, going to a middle class school. But it is FAILING to serve students, to teach students, to help students grow in these areas previously mentioned. We need a better plan, we need a better system, and most of all, we need better leadership. Don't give me any less than your very best! We need to fight for our kids, and honestly, I don't see it happening...yes, I am frustrated by the lack of consequences...but even worse than my frustrations is the fact that the lack of consequences and teaching them how to be good citizens is failing them, not me. I have another choice, I have another option. My students do not. We all need to fight for them, whether you are a para or a principal. They need us.

Back to School!

Hello to all! I hope you had a wonderful summer break!!! I am ready for the new school year and cannot wait to see my kids. I remember how sad I was to leave them for the summer, but also how relieved I was to have time off. Year 1 of teaching...what an experience that was. It seems like just a blur at this point in time. I am happy to say that I did get to see a few of my students this summer, and it made me even more excited to come back. It will never be the same without my first homeroom, and I don't think I will ever forget them:)

On a different note, Ryan has been hired as a math teacher at Achievement First Bridgeport Academy (AFBA). He will be teaching 7th grade math along with me! Achievement First is a charter school with locations in NY and CT. It is a non-profit organization with a single goal in mind - to deliver on the promise of equal educational opportunity for all of America's children. I am so excited about this job for him. Not only does it work towards his goal of being a teacher and have purpose, but he is continuing to amaze me with the passion that is coming from him as he learns more and more each day about educational inequity. In all honesty, I think he might possibly have learned more in the past two weeks than he retained from college due to the pertinence of the material! He comes home spouting off information about the achievement gap, techniques for the classroom, and sharing inspiring movies. I am sitting here tonight with Ryan and our good friend Liz, and he says, "the achievement gap - we are all three working against that!"

I am so proud of the hard work that he is putting into his new job. He will be the first one to tell you that his major was not work intensive, and I never really saw his hard work in football because I didn't watch him practice, and a game is just a game to me (no offense Ry). Needless to say, I have never seen him work this hard and have such enthusiasm about the work that he is doing. I have a feeling that AFBA is really pleased with their choice in him. His enthusiasm towards closing the achievement gap is inspiring to me! He is seriously owning his work, his goals, and his love for education, and I could not be more proud! As he speaks about teaching and pedagogy, all of the vocabulary that I learned last year during TFA training is coming out of his mouth.

I am very thankful for the opportunity that he has been blessed with. He is coming into his own, and this is the best thing that could have happened for him. It is inspiring his intellectual side, and challenging him every day. Tonight he told me his aspirations to go on to get his doctorate and work in school leadership someday!

We are both going into the battlefields together, fighting the achievement gap. Too many people in America are oblivious of the fact that our education system is failing our children. Those who do recognize it are doing one of two things: 1. Making sure that the laws that that keep teachers protected and students 'moving on' OR 2. Working relentlessly to ensure that all of our students are given the opportunity to obtain a great education - at any and all costs.

Please click on the link below to get an idea of exactly what I am talking about.

The Lottery - Documentary

Please continue to pray for our children who are underprivileged. Love to you all!

God Bless,

Emily

The End

It is so close to the end of the year that I can almost taste the summer! With six days left, and a few of those that I will be out of town for Ashley's wedding, I am so thankful for it to be done.

I know that so many people are envious of teachers and the extended summer vacation, but in all honesty, it is a MUCH NEEDED break. Just imagine, babysitting 70 hormone-ridden students, 180 days of the year...if that doesn't stress you out at the thought of it, you must be an angel! I am still so completely in love with my job, and I love my kids to no end...I guess you could say it is bitter-sweet that it is coming to an end because I will miss my kids soooo much this summer (most likely I will be at basketball games, soccer tournaments, and driving through their neighborhoods to keep up with them!) One of the things that I am thoroughly looking forward to is becoming a better teacher. I know that I tried my best, and I worked hard, but MAN! This is a tough job, and I had NO IDEA what I was doing - now I don't feel too badly about saying that because is it true to almost any first-year teacher across the country!

This coming summer is exciting because of the upcoming professional development and feedback that I will be getting from Achievement First, a charter school in Bridgeport that I will be teaching summer school at for two weeks in July. Their model is based in constant feedback to improve instruction. Not only will this help me teach better, but I will also know HOW to plan this summer. I knew so little about a Long Term Plan, a Unit Plan, or even a Lesson Plan last summer that it even seems comical. I am so excited for the extended amount of time that I will have to work on all of these things, as opposed to one weeks before school starts to scramble about.

I have definitely learned SO much about myself this year, and the implications that my personality have on my students. I continue to understand my meaning, my purpose here, and it continues to amaze me. Humbly growing in a stressful environment has been a challenge, but I have tried to ask for help every time that I am in over my head, I have tried not to judge my peers or my students, and I have worked as hard as I can (most of the time).

Thank you to all of the people who have supported me, encouraged me, listened to me, and prayed for me. All of you have had a positive impact on my first year in TFA and my first year as a teacher. Love to you all!

Finally!

It seems that, now, at the very end of the year, with ten days left, a certain person is starting to understand that our kids need to be given consequences.

Starting yesterday, our students were put on lock down - meaning that the 7th grade as a whole cannot handle walking through the halls without acting like animals (pretty sure I was able to do so when I was 12) and so they have all of their subjects in the same room all day, the teachers rotate. This was consequence number one.

Now, as I sit in the lounge because my room is occupied, I am watching as several EXTREMELY disrespectful students get sent home. There are a handful of them who are congregating in the hallway (which they have done all year) and they are actually being reprimanded for it. Hopefully this is a good sign, and I pray this will actually continue to be a pattern through the course of next year! Yes, these kids are rough, but we can't just give up and let them rule the hallways - I am A-OKAY with pissing them off and treating them as old as they act - about 3 that is. Send them home! Give them detentions! Make them clean the floors with a toothbrush for gracious-sake! I don't care what it is, but they need to be punished.

Back to the thought of the Harlem Children's Project - I really like the idea of parenting classes - discipline classes in particular. I wouldn't walk into a classroom without having been trained in classroom management, so shouldn't a parent enter parenthood without discipline classes.

I am thankful for having the wild experience of being a teacher because of the benefit of being trained on how to discipline - it works both ways! Teacher to parent, or parent to teacher...oh the joy of discipline.

PLEASE pray for our last 10 days at school...Lord knows it will be a long two weeks.

AlksjhdfpouahfjnaodsudhoJN!!!!

Sometimes I seriously have to say to myself in my head, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job!!!" I get so frustrated with the students who are so extremely rude to me that it takes all that I am not to lash out at them in anger (whether verbally or physically!!!) I honestly do not understand what is going through the minds of some young people these days.

I did hear about a great project called The Harlem Children's Zone. It is the mission and vision of one man who wants to change the lives and future of today's children, one block at a time. Lord, I wish I was involved in that right now...It might ease my frustrations at this point in time...I feel like I might blow my lid today...I am sitting in Reading and my students are supposed to do just that for 42 minutes...GET OVER IT! It is only 42 minutes. Do the right thing during English adn you won't have to read something "boring"!!!

PLEASE! Pray for my sanity today.

Involvement

As I think about my childhood, the best memories that I have are the ones that include my mom and dad. When I used to play soccer, mom and dad were there, every game, rain or shine. Even my grandparents made it to so many of my activities, even through my college years.

It is amazing to me the excitement that I saw in the eyes of my student, "Miles" when I cheered him on at his soccer game. I showed up at this game that was between Miles' team - the Bridgeport Freedom, and a team from a more affluent community. As I was waiting for the game to get started, I realized that as the other team's bench filled up with parents and supporters, I was one of 4 groups of people who showed up to cheer on the Bridgeport Freedom (by groups of people I mean that there were 4 different groups, each one there for one child - so 4 children being represented out of a team of about 12). Miles' family was not one of those groups. Now I understand that sometimes there are other things going on with other children. But as I recall, there was not a single game, play, or awards ceremony that my parents were not at. I don't care how busy you are, you need to be there, everyday, in every way possible for your children. I know that I am a better person, and more audacious because of my parents' involvement in my life.

I know that Miles heard me through his entire game as I cheered, encourage, and pushed him. He did great! And after the game I talked to him about the moments that he could have pushed - I talked to him about his need to work his ass off in every situation, whether it is school or soccer, or whatever! I know that he can be amazing - he's a very smart young man, but I don't know how motivated he is. I don't know if he has ever been pushed to be motivated about anything. Just that little extra push during his game, that little extra expectation made him work harder. If it were not for the encouragement from my parents, I'd probably be a rather mediocre teacher/wife/citizen of God. We must lead our kids (or student in my case) by example to help them understand the importance of hard work and motivation.

I guess I will be back out there at Miles' game next week too...

The Importance of Love

First of all, I have to say thank you to all of the people who have loved and supported me throughout my entire life. I would not have made it to where I am today, or be the person I am today, without you all.

I had report card conferences last week, and I knew that some of my students' parents would not make it in because of various reasons. I received a phone call from Sally's mother early this week about meeting since she had missed them. Sally had told me that her mother had just recently had a baby - understandable reason for her to not be able to make it.

When I got the phone call, the mother wondered why her daughter had not told me to call her yet - she had expected Sally to tell me to give her a call, and that I would do it that day...I found it odd that she thought her daughter had lied to her about telling me, and that she had assumed that Sally had not when I did not call that day. I have encountered this mother before, and she kept saying that her daughter is, 'tricky' and that she can't trust her. My response has always been fairly passive...I'd think to myself, "Okay, I can understand not trusting a 12-year-old."

So I arranged to stop by Sally's house today at 4 o'clock. When I got there, Sally let me in, and led me down the hall to the kitchen...dimly lit, quiet...Mom came out of what I assumed to be the bedroom holding the brand new baby...we say hello, how are you? and that sort of thing...I notice that Sally has quietly sat back down where she had been doing her science homework.

Mom and I both sat down on either side of Sally where she was working and I handed her the report card for her to look at. All of a sudden I realize another little head poke out of the bedroom...turns out that Sally has a little brother who was born with a mental disorder - I am not sure what it is, but he doesn't speak, and was very playful.

As mom starts to look at the report card, she begins to explain to me in several different ways how she cannot trust her daughter, how her daughter cannot focus, how her daughter isn't trying - all of these negative things about Sally - RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. I sat there wanting to cry out of despair and heartache - just wanting to hug on Sally and tell her to keep doing the best you can. She has a newborn at home, a challenged little brother, a mother who (no doubt loves her) is completely negative about her and who I have never seen smile, and no dad at home. When she spoke to me about how Sally cannot focus, I wanted to yell - DUH! DO YOU SEE ALL OF THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHE HAS??? DO YOU NOTICE THAT SHE HAS TO SHARE A BEDROOM WITH ONE OF TWO SIBLINGS, THAT SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH ONE UNSUPPORTIVE, NEGATIVE PARENT?

But she does not see all of those things. She does not see or know the benefits of positive reinforcement. She does not understand what her daughter needs in order to succeed in school. She does not realize that, while Tisdale has a lot of challenging students and situations, it is a fairly functional school with some pretty great teachers.

I held my tongue...I offered to take her home so that mom KNEW she went to tutoring after school and wasn't lying about that too. My kids need more love...much more love that I have to go around...well maybe I can't, but Christ can...sometimes our calling is really, really hard...and sometimes I feel like I am not making an impact on my students...but I know He is here...I know HE is the reason I am here.

Please pray for my school, my students, my administration, and my sanity.

God Bless,

Em

Thank Goodness for Bridgeport!

I am so thankful to work in a district that believes in both February break and April break. It is time for some rest (and some sunshine in California!) I will definitely miss my kiddies though...Lord knows how much I love my job, and my students. The third quarter finished last week, which I can't believe that I have been teaching so long already, and my kids have been worn out by the testing and requirements from the state and district level. Though they had all of this testing, I had almost NO time to teach them everything they needed to know from my curriculum this quarter! I don't know who the brilliant person is who decided it was a good idea to give them the 'Quarterly Online Assessment' from the district the week after we finished the CMT's (Connecticut Mastery Test), but they had to have been dropped when they were small...Honestly? Do we really need to test them for 4 WEEKS IN A ROW???

Oy, what a crock. My kids made it through alive, and that's the important thing. They still have as much energy as before, or maybe more! Wednesday was one of two ridiculous days I have had this year...It was one of those days that makes me realize why teachers consume 'adult beverages.' I know that my kids enjoy being in my class, and I know that the love i show them is reciprocated, but in the end, kids will still be kids. Chat chat chat, whisper whisper whisper, YELL YELL YELL!!! I couldn't believe it! The day could not end faster...Then while I was teaching today, my kids had one of those 'ah-HA!' moments that makes me remember how much I love my job. I know this is where I am supposed to be, and that it is NOT where some others are supposed to be. The reason this comes to mind is that while I was sitting in my room on a prep, Finance was in my room (we have a teacher who floats in and out.) As the teacher is struggling to get the students in their seats, quiet and ready to take a test, he got upset at the struggle. He yells at them, "This is why I HATE this class...this is the worst behaved class in the whole school."

HATE? Hate is a strong word...not only is there no way on God's green earth that I would use that towards an individual, but to a class full of 12/13-year-old students?! No way!!! I have come to realize SO much about what it takes to work in an urban school, and it is so much about the relationship that you build with the students. Without that relationship, you CANNOT succeed.

I have been blessed by people in my school who help me to realize my passion every once and a while. A colleague of mine said today, "After watching you in class today, I know you are seriously supposed to be here. I saw the joy in your face and the smile as you taught those kids today. It was really great to watch." I was flattered when he told me this, and I could not agree more with him. I responded with something to the effect of, "There are so many crazy days here, and I am sure that I could have days like today all the time at a suburban school, but it would never be this rewarding." The experiences that I give my kids that make my job my passion.

Please continue to pray for my students and my colleagues as we finish out this wonderful first year.

Emily

Frustrations...

The frustrations in my life come so many at a time and so close together...at school, at the grocery store, and on and on I could list the things that happen.

Last week I experienced something that I realize happens a lot (both in my classroom and in everyday American life), but for some reason this time it struck me to blog on the topic. Homeroom 240...my most challenging class this year! For whatever reason, children and adults alike find no room in their pea-sized brain to simply follow instructions...if we all did that, our lives would be soooooo much easier!

As I stood in front of 240 this past week waiting for them to realize I was waiting on them, I simply observed human nature. "Shut-up!" "No you shut-up!" "Why don't you BOTH shut-up!" This situation happens all the time in my classroom. Well, it didn't used to...they used to just continue to talk and not care. Now they get annoyed at each other, then yell back and forth for ten minutes until they run out of steam...don't be fooled though, they get it back in no time!

Frustrations such as this have happened to us since we were kids. I think that understanding manners and common courtesy could easily solve the problems we have in daily life. Heck, not only daily life, I think we might even have world peace!!! The point is that so many people have grown up being treated withOUT love, common courtesy, even faith, and I really believe that it has been detrimental to society.

Another example, or frustration rather, that could have been solved by a little love and faith in a child-hood...As Ryan and I were gone on Friday evening, we returned to find our lovely little apartment had been broken into! Blast! The moron took my computer (a cherished old friend who I have had for five and a half years!), Ryan's iPhone charger (creepy because they had to be snooping in our bedroom, come on now!), my iPod, and our jar of change that we've been saving. Now, in all honesty, WHO DOES THAT?! It makes me sick to think about it, but then I realize how seriously unintelligent this person had to be! Yea, ok intelligent enough to get a laptop, but we have so many more valuable things that he/she could have taken laying out in plain sight, and they choose the five-year-old computer? Clearly they need the money more than me...but REALLY? Thankfully I have most of my documents and photos backed-up to my external HD, but the plain fact that some creepo felt it necessary to enter our home and take things that don't belong to him/her is ridiculous...I guess that's why they call them thieves though. Like I said, had this person been taught through love, faith, and common courtesy, I would not be sitting here wanting to whoop someones butt right now!

When I think back to where this thought originated, I can only hope that my students don't fall into terrible habits such as stealing and worse. Fortunately, I have the opportunity with them to make sure they feel loved, and to make sure they know how to treat others. I may not get all of them, but as long as I get some of them, I am okay with that. It kills me to think that the first thought that my housemates and I thought was, "Well, it was when all the kids from *** school got out on Friday." This is an alternative school in the district where students who have been in trouble with the law are sent. Lucky for us, its four houses down. We shouldn't even have to suspect that a student from that school did this, but unfortunately we did. Unfortunately, human nature shows a pattern in people, and unless we are taught positive patterns, we will end in the destruction of self.

Please continue to pray for my kids, and all of the kids in the district. Please ask that they have mentors, and someone who loves them.

Shalom

What We Don't Understand

I have learned so many things about life this year....from my students, my family, and those I have been blessed to meet. I have learned so much more about humility and service, about compassion and blessings, and about how to appreciate what I have in life. I think that I appreciate my everyday blessings of food, family, and friends even more since I have begun teaching.

Recently I have begun to realize that my kids and their parents are doing what they know how to do to the best of their abilities. Majority of my student's parents are foreign...they might be from Jamaica, Puerto Rico, or some other country that is not well developed in the field of education. It is for this reason that I have realized they really don't know how to push their children beyond, "did you do your homework?" My assumption is that they don't truly understand what it takes to make it in the American world of education. My kids have been born into a world that they are set up to fail in. Starting in elementary school, they are already far beyond their peers for the simple fact that they might not have been read to as a small child. They have already not been exposed to the vocabulary that their wealthier peers have been exposed to. In seventh grade, those same parents are trying their darnedest to make ends meet, to give their child opportunity, but it really is a viscous cycle. If the parents of my kids cannot help them to go as far as possible, then how can we expect my kids to help their kids go as far as possible? And on and on it goes.

So here I am in the middle of an American crisis that not everyone recognizes or even knows about, and I am trying to stop the cycle. As only one person, I don't have enough energy to focus on all of my kids. So I have been faced with a choice. Looking at my students, I see so much potential in so many of them, but I am forced to pick and choose who I put the most of my energy into, who I push the hardest, and who I continue to challenge beyond the classroom. I feel the weight on my shoulders that bears down on me because I know in some cases, I am the only one who can really encourage my students to go far, and coach them to get there. Talk about an energy-draining job!

As I sat at dinner last night with a lovely family who supports Teach for America, I realized just how little my students have. I have gotten so used to the dingy clothing that many of them come to school in, and I have gotten used to the emotional struggles that they go through. I really should not be used to it at all. The four children in this family were so bright, so curious, and so well spoken that it made me sad when I think about my kids at school. The two boys in fifth grade are already so far beyond where my seventh graders are in school. They are so engaged in their learning, and so happy to be in school, and I saw so much potential! Then I look back to my kids...what they experience can only be changed by me at this point in their lives...please continue to pray for me and my kids as we go through our journey together this year...pray for their families who may be struggling...and thank you for all of the support you have blessed us with so far.

Oh the Life of a Teacher...Part 2

So last week was delightful! I cannot even begin to explain how pleased and thankful I am that God brought me to be a teacher...clearly he knows that I cannot handle (or choose not to enjoy) working 52 weeks a year:) As the days went on, I slept in, I read - not only did I read, but I finished a book that I have been reading since, oh about Christmas time (Truth & Beauty by Ann Patchett - I highly recommend it! A great book!) I got to go snowboarding one evening (on a "mountain" no bigger than a mosquito bite compared to the CA and CO mountains I have experienced) ice-skating, and I even got in a hike on Sleeping Giant in Hamden, CT.

Though I was not with my 'kids,' I spent plenty of time with my good friend Randi and her 4-year-old daughter Laila. I met Randi through Ryan. She is married to Ryan's good friend and boss Hassan at the GAP. We have had so much fun with them! Randi is in her 4th year of law school, and so she sometimes needs help keeping little miss Laila busy when she needs to study, or even do dishes! So one day I took Laila after we had lunch and we played at my house for 4 hours. We made the biggest drawing of a house I've ever seen, made some extremely messy brownies, built a large fort in my living room, hid from a monster for about an hour, then killed the monster with marshmallows (apparently he was really ugly.) It was so much fun to spend some time with a child who is still so innocent and sweet. I spend so much time with hormone-filled, pre-teens who are screaming up and down the hallways that I forget how lovely children are.

I went back to work yesterday after my amazing 10-day break, and amazingly enough wanted to stay in bed juuuusssssst a bit longer. I begrudgingly dragged myself out of bed, wiped the boogers out of my eyes, and got my coffee fix - ready to go! At 8:30 when my kids started strolling in, I remembered how much I love my job. When Barbara came in and said, "I missed you miss," I remembered that I have been called to my profession. I have been called, and what a blessing it is to serve the Lord. I hope my kids know just how much I love and care about them in the name of the Lord.

Oh the Life of a Teacher

I can't tell you how lovely it is to be able to have a week off in the middle of February AND get paid for it! I have been able to relax, actually spend time with Ryan for a change, and GO SNOWBOARDING! Haha, the snowboarding teacher...I will be excited to hear the reaction form my kids when they hear Mrs. Shumway went snowboarding. "Wait, what?! You snowboard Mrs. Shumway???"

It's funny too, in the short week I have been off, I have thought about my students so many times. I got a text from one of my girls last night that said, "Hi Mrs. Shumway. I miss you." The first thing that came into my mind was, "Awe how sweet." I guess I really am making an impact on my kids, whether they are learning much or not. The second thing that I thought was, "Wow, how bored my kids must be in order to miss me." Thinking back to my own breaks in elementary and middle school, I NEVER thought about my teachers until maybe the day before I went back. I'm so curious if the reason is boredom, or honestly what 'home' is like for so many of my students. I know that some of my students have a hard home-life, and I wish that there was something I could do to help. But I guess in the long run, I am helping as much as I can in the classroom. I am helping them with their basic homework-completion skills, I am helping them understand the importance of respecting their peers and teachers, and I am helping them to understand that they CAN succeed and that they are loved.

Though my break has been short, I am starting to miss those sweet (and some not so sweet) faces. Please continue to pray for my kids. they need all of the love they can get.

Frustrations of a Haggared Teacher

This week was not only long, but extremely frustrating, and it's not even Friday...It's sad that I am hoping for a snow day tomorrow. I continue to say, and I will stick to it, that my kids need me in the room...but I will add on to that saying that they just don't know it all the time. I went through a few days of 'whisper whisper, yell yell, talk over Mrs Shumway, throw homework away, scream scream, roll my eyes, mock the teacher' etc, etc...I can't imagine, sometimes, what is going through the growing brains of my students. Is there a miracle grow I can use for 11- and 12-year-olds? I don't know how it is that they can be so rude to me when I work so hard for them. But now that I am thinking about it, I figure it out...they have never been spoken to or treated, maybe, the way that I would expect them to be. So in return, how would they know? I have listened over the end of a phone line when on a phone call home as a mother screamed at her daughter for about 11 straight minutes...and in the background all I could hear from my student was fear in her voice, and excuses to mom. It made me feel bad for calling home, but then at the same time, I am not sure how else to deal with some of my more challenging students. When it comes to being frustrated, I have to think about my students who do love me, and who really do appreciate me.

I am so proud of some of my students who I have seen grow so much, either mathematically or socially. I had three students who came up at lunch just wanting to eat with me. These three boys don't typically come up, but today was different. I don't know if it is a comfort thing, that they come up to get some quiet, but I love having them up. They love to share different little pieces of their lives with me, helping me out in the smallest ways --without me even asking! Those are the little things that I have to keep remembering -- that is why I am here! Lord knows I love all of my students, but some of them love me back...and that is what REALLY makes it worth it. I can't let the few bad days get in the way of the good ones.

Understanding Kids

It is amazing to me how little some people know about managing kids in the classroom. Now I do not claim to be an expert in the area, but I know that I manage with care and compassion, along with a 'flexible iron fist.' I sit in my classroom on my prep and listen to the mismanagement of students in other rooms. Beginning the class by getting frustrated and angry, and yelling, "Do Now!" at a student is no way to earn the trust and respect of him or her. I experience so much more joy from their learning, and calmness in the class when I begin with a, "Good morning D'Ante."

I know I am not the most calm person on my staff, but I try to be as calm and reasonable as possible...yes, sometimes I lose it for a bit and try to re-explain an instruction to an individual student by yelling, but for the most part I try to teach my students with respect. No way on God's green earth would I comment about how terrible the student is, or that someone can't do something right in front of them, let alone the entire class. You know that the kids don't respect you when they mock you in your class, in front of your face. Why should they if that happens and you do nothing about it!?

Off to grade for now, but maybe more to come later today.

The Nurturer

I have no kids of my own yet. The 72 students that I see everyday and teach every day ARE my kids. I have seen them hate me, spite me, respect me, and love me. I've had them call me mom, give me hugs, and do work for me because they like me (whether it's for my class or another class). I don't know where the breakdown is, what the reason it that so many teachers have a hard time respecting the same students that I do. Yes, they are a handful, they are challenging, they are sometimes mean, but that's why I teach them the way I do - with a lot of love.

Growing up, my parents always told me that I could do anything that I wanted to as long as I put my mind to it. This is what is missing from so many of my kids lives. So many teachers discount my kids as unable, that they don't care, as passive. I beg to differ with these teachers. They can and will work hard. They need to be shown that you care, and they need to be loved. It's a hard world to be brought into when you are not taught better from the society around you, but I can be that influence, that nurturer who tells them, "you CAN do anything that you want."

I believe that my parents were hard on my brother and I for a good reason; they showed us responsibility and respect through their tough love. This is why I am not only loving towards my students, but I am extremely hard on them when it comes to grades and their own responsibility. As I sat through a professional development session today, I heard so many colleagues say that they can't get students to turn in homework, but if they give them a zero for all of the missing assignments, they'd fail. I say GOOD! Let them fail! They need to understand that without doing the work and putting in the effort, they will not pass. From last quarter to this quarter, I see a definite improvement in the return on work that is due. I have so many more students coming to me to ask, "Can I get the work I'm missing?" "What can I do to boost my grade?" When it came to the end of the quarter, they were amazed that they had an F. They saw the lack of responsibility and how it affected them. Through that realization, the number of students who are failing has been cut in half. I am even harder on the students this quarter. I used to give ten pages of make-up work to them, kindly letting them make up work from two months before. This quarter, they have five days, and that's it! They feel the responsibility through the tough love that I bear down on them. Some of the students that I am the hardest on have improved the most!

At the end of the day, I say goodbye to my kids, I get a few hugs from them, and I remind them as they run to the bus to remember their responsibilities for the night. Maybe they have a hard time remembering their work, or maybe they have a lot to deal with at home, but it's not that they "don't care," so much as they need someone to tell them they are brilliant! They may not meet society's view of brilliant, but I see the potential, and I make sure that they know I have all the faith in the world in the ability of each and every one of my students.