Earlier today as I was thinking about all of my frustrations, I had planned to write about those things that I am continually stressed and amazed by. After my first parent conference of the night, I am blessed to have my eyes opened.
I met a mother today at report card conference who, until this meeting, I had never met her. As she looked at her son's report card, and the major improvements that he has made in his grades and effort, she began to cry. She was so happy to see that he had been trying, and my student left with the biggest smile on his face! "This is all mommy asks for, right?" she said as she sat there and spoke with him, looking at his report card. This is one of those, "Aha!" moments where I feel like my work has paid off. This is a student who has come so far in terms of social interaction, responsibility, and anger management. I can only hope that some of it had to do with me.
Most of the time when I have report card conferences, I end up with children crying, and parents who are unhappy with their offspring. So far so good! I am overwhelmingly happy to see tears of joy running down a mothers face because she is proud of her child. Those same tears almost fell as I sat there next to them because I am proud of my student.
Blessings!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wandering
I am pretty sure that students will not learn if they are wandering around in the hallway. To this point, I am not sure why students are allowed to simply stay in the hallway. As a teacher in the 7th and 8th grade wing, I had a 5th grade student today just sitting there. So many times this same student is in the hallway because "he's with the security guard." Well that's all fine and dandy, but first of all, it's definitely not HIS job to babysit, and second of all, GO TO CLASS! LEARN SOMETHING!
In my experience, which is all that I can speak to, students are allowed to carry on with behaviors that cause them to not learn. Wandering the hallway is a big one. 98% of the time when I see students in the hallway, I give them a 'what for' and tell them to get moving to class. The other 2% of the time, I'm so worn out that I cannot stand to deal with it. Mind you, this is not in my job description. It is not my job to clear the halls on my prep period. My job is to 'prep' on my prep period. It is this behavior, along with many others, that, when left un-touched by a disciplinary action, continues to perpetuate the sad excuse for a learning environment that I often teach in. Children wandering the halls, screaming between (or during) periods, jumping on others' backs, being EXTREMELY disrespectful, play fighting (or real fighting) in the hallways - it is these behaviors that we apparently don't care about which creates an atmosphere of chaos in. Oh, and we expect to improve test scores in this jungle...
We need to start small - 'Sweat the Small Stuff' as Achievement First would say. If we began the year with small things, discipline for small actions, not worrying about how long it takes in the beginning of the year - as long as we get it right - then at this point of the year, students would not be so crazy. I would not dread coming in to work most days. I would not work and teach in a jungle. Students might actually learn.
I am only one person. I can only do so much.
In my experience, which is all that I can speak to, students are allowed to carry on with behaviors that cause them to not learn. Wandering the hallway is a big one. 98% of the time when I see students in the hallway, I give them a 'what for' and tell them to get moving to class. The other 2% of the time, I'm so worn out that I cannot stand to deal with it. Mind you, this is not in my job description. It is not my job to clear the halls on my prep period. My job is to 'prep' on my prep period. It is this behavior, along with many others, that, when left un-touched by a disciplinary action, continues to perpetuate the sad excuse for a learning environment that I often teach in. Children wandering the halls, screaming between (or during) periods, jumping on others' backs, being EXTREMELY disrespectful, play fighting (or real fighting) in the hallways - it is these behaviors that we apparently don't care about which creates an atmosphere of chaos in. Oh, and we expect to improve test scores in this jungle...
We need to start small - 'Sweat the Small Stuff' as Achievement First would say. If we began the year with small things, discipline for small actions, not worrying about how long it takes in the beginning of the year - as long as we get it right - then at this point of the year, students would not be so crazy. I would not dread coming in to work most days. I would not work and teach in a jungle. Students might actually learn.
I am only one person. I can only do so much.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
It's Amazing...
It's amazing to me the things that my students go through by the age of 14. I can't imagine being afraid for my mother. I can't imagine being asked to hold drugs for someone in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I can't imagine the stress my students are put through at home and then be expected to come to school and act as if nothing happened! I thought home was supposed to be a place of nurturing, of discipline, and of love. That's my ideal - and all I can do is pray that my students understand that through me if they don't get it at home.
The way that a parent can completely mess up a child's mind is incomprehensible for me. The children I come to work for day in and day out are so precious to me, and I cannot imagine putting them through the bulls#*t that some of these parents do. I guess that doesn't just happen in urban, low-income homes though. It is apparently something that goes on, unbeknown to so many of us who have stable family lives.
I wish I had a magic wand...I want to make it all better. I want all of my kids to be happy and healthy...they can't be happy all the time, but at least they could be most of the time.
The way that a parent can completely mess up a child's mind is incomprehensible for me. The children I come to work for day in and day out are so precious to me, and I cannot imagine putting them through the bulls#*t that some of these parents do. I guess that doesn't just happen in urban, low-income homes though. It is apparently something that goes on, unbeknown to so many of us who have stable family lives.
I wish I had a magic wand...I want to make it all better. I want all of my kids to be happy and healthy...they can't be happy all the time, but at least they could be most of the time.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Too Long
Wow, it has been waaaaaayyyyy too long since I last wrote. I got caught up in the stress, exhaustion, and endlessness of teaching that I neglected to share my thoughts.
Since September when I last wrote, I think that I have cried about 5 or so times out of frustration. I have been so overwhelmed with the lack of effort from people - and unfortunately that is out of my control. For some reason, unbeknown to me, not everyone works as hard as I do. For some reason, also unbeknown to me, not everyone in education is in it for the kids. Lord knows, they're not in it for the money, which leaves me wondering, "Why are you here?"
I find myself being discouraged all too often lately. At the end of the day, I am physically and mentally exhausted. I am definitely tired of being yelled at by students, I am tired of a lack of consequences, I am tired of not getting homework back, I am tired of students who think its cool to make fun of others, I am tired of trying to clear the hallways when it's not my job, I am tired of staff who do nothing but provoke students, I am tired of students getting out of consequences because, well, they didn't mean to do it, they just have a bad home life, I am tired of people not being in it for the kids.
I am not a parent, but I'll tell anyone that I have 86 kids who I love and care about; 86 kids who drive me up a wall daily; 86 kids who show they care in their own special way; 86 kids who America is failing; 86 kids who I work my ass of for day in and day out. They know I care...I cry out of utter frustration for them sometimes, instead of because of them.
Last year, there wasn't a single day that I was so overwhelmed from the day before that I didn't want to show up. That happened this week...I was so MAD and so FRUSTRATED that I just didn't want to go back. I got up in the morning and couldn't help but think about the day before. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and hope it was a bad dream...but it wasn't...it was a daymare! Then a friend told me, "There are only two things you can think about: your faith in God and your mission to help those kids no matter what." That's the only thing that got me through. I can count on no one but God to get me through days like these.
All I know today is that it is Friday. I used to make every day Friday with lots of wine...but these days I am learning to cope in healthier, more productive ways. It is Friday...so the day is good.
Blessings.
Emily
Since September when I last wrote, I think that I have cried about 5 or so times out of frustration. I have been so overwhelmed with the lack of effort from people - and unfortunately that is out of my control. For some reason, unbeknown to me, not everyone works as hard as I do. For some reason, also unbeknown to me, not everyone in education is in it for the kids. Lord knows, they're not in it for the money, which leaves me wondering, "Why are you here?"
I find myself being discouraged all too often lately. At the end of the day, I am physically and mentally exhausted. I am definitely tired of being yelled at by students, I am tired of a lack of consequences, I am tired of not getting homework back, I am tired of students who think its cool to make fun of others, I am tired of trying to clear the hallways when it's not my job, I am tired of staff who do nothing but provoke students, I am tired of students getting out of consequences because, well, they didn't mean to do it, they just have a bad home life, I am tired of people not being in it for the kids.
I am not a parent, but I'll tell anyone that I have 86 kids who I love and care about; 86 kids who drive me up a wall daily; 86 kids who show they care in their own special way; 86 kids who America is failing; 86 kids who I work my ass of for day in and day out. They know I care...I cry out of utter frustration for them sometimes, instead of because of them.
Last year, there wasn't a single day that I was so overwhelmed from the day before that I didn't want to show up. That happened this week...I was so MAD and so FRUSTRATED that I just didn't want to go back. I got up in the morning and couldn't help but think about the day before. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and hope it was a bad dream...but it wasn't...it was a daymare! Then a friend told me, "There are only two things you can think about: your faith in God and your mission to help those kids no matter what." That's the only thing that got me through. I can count on no one but God to get me through days like these.
All I know today is that it is Friday. I used to make every day Friday with lots of wine...but these days I am learning to cope in healthier, more productive ways. It is Friday...so the day is good.
Blessings.
Emily
Sunday, September 26, 2010
A Failing System
It has been far too long since I have written...hopefully I will stay on track from now on this year!
Sometimes I think that my puppy listens better than the students I have this year...and he is only five months old. It is amazing to me that no matter what we as a 7th grade team try, some of our students do not respond. They need boot-camp. I am not just saying that, they seriously need boot-camp, or a school version of it. Give them two weeks of sitting silently, walking in lines silently, raising their hand, practice practice practice practice practice. If they do it correctly, they get a break and go to a special...if not, they practice during their special.
We have no consequences besides a 'talking to.' Okay, so what, you talked to them...AND? What is that really going to do? They say it takes 21 times of doing something correctly for something to become a habit. For some of my classes, this is happening...for others? It will take all year! In fact, the habit is going to become the poor behavior, they've probably got 21 times of calling out, yelling at teachers, yelling at each other, screaming in the hallways, not doing their work or any of the other poor behaviors down as a habit already because they haven't been changed. They haven't been given a solid consequence. Talk to them until you are blue in the face, but give them a consequence like after school or Saturday detention, and they will buck up right quick.
It amazes me that people outside of my school (for example, people in my department) can see the problem, can see that we need administrative consequences, but that people inside my school cannot. Advice from Tito will probably be the best I have gotten. He basically told me that when he was in his school, he would raise hell if there was a problem, if there was something seriously wrong with the system in place...well Tito, I guess it is my turn to raise hell when something is not right...thanks for the advice.
I hate for this to see like a complaining rant, so let me change the tone for a bit. Though I have a large rock-in-my-shoe class, my other classes typically grind it down. As I am teaching my pre-algebra class, I have students who brighten my day, sometimes with ridiculous comments that should be punishable, but they make me laugh and that's a problem. Though I feel as though I have made little progress and it is going to be the fifth week of school, that progress base is the curriculum, and I do feel like I am making progress with the topics that my students are missing. Adding and subtracting decimal numbers...try this one at home:
230 + 5.79 = ?
So many of my students will get 8.09 for the answer...and they are in 7th grade if you have forgotten. Though they may have been taught for years and years to line up the decimal place, that the decimal goes at the end of a whole number, they somehow don't retain it over the summer. We have summer math packets that get sent home...I think 2 of my 80 students did it. We see this constant cycle of regression every summer, but what can we do for those students when they are not in school? We can't go home with them and force them to do math, or to read, or to write other than texting over the summer...so what can we do? What can I as just one person do? We need a better system to help those students who are in very different environments from my home growing up. Our system right now is not serving the students who live in poverty stricken areas such as Bridgeport, such as the Mississippi Delta, such as the Rio Grande Valley...our system is fine for students in more affluent areas, which doesn't mean they have to be rich. They are fine for students growing up in a middle class area, going to a middle class school. But it is FAILING to serve students, to teach students, to help students grow in these areas previously mentioned. We need a better plan, we need a better system, and most of all, we need better leadership. Don't give me any less than your very best! We need to fight for our kids, and honestly, I don't see it happening...yes, I am frustrated by the lack of consequences...but even worse than my frustrations is the fact that the lack of consequences and teaching them how to be good citizens is failing them, not me. I have another choice, I have another option. My students do not. We all need to fight for them, whether you are a para or a principal. They need us.
Sometimes I think that my puppy listens better than the students I have this year...and he is only five months old. It is amazing to me that no matter what we as a 7th grade team try, some of our students do not respond. They need boot-camp. I am not just saying that, they seriously need boot-camp, or a school version of it. Give them two weeks of sitting silently, walking in lines silently, raising their hand, practice practice practice practice practice. If they do it correctly, they get a break and go to a special...if not, they practice during their special.
We have no consequences besides a 'talking to.' Okay, so what, you talked to them...AND? What is that really going to do? They say it takes 21 times of doing something correctly for something to become a habit. For some of my classes, this is happening...for others? It will take all year! In fact, the habit is going to become the poor behavior, they've probably got 21 times of calling out, yelling at teachers, yelling at each other, screaming in the hallways, not doing their work or any of the other poor behaviors down as a habit already because they haven't been changed. They haven't been given a solid consequence. Talk to them until you are blue in the face, but give them a consequence like after school or Saturday detention, and they will buck up right quick.
It amazes me that people outside of my school (for example, people in my department) can see the problem, can see that we need administrative consequences, but that people inside my school cannot. Advice from Tito will probably be the best I have gotten. He basically told me that when he was in his school, he would raise hell if there was a problem, if there was something seriously wrong with the system in place...well Tito, I guess it is my turn to raise hell when something is not right...thanks for the advice.
I hate for this to see like a complaining rant, so let me change the tone for a bit. Though I have a large rock-in-my-shoe class, my other classes typically grind it down. As I am teaching my pre-algebra class, I have students who brighten my day, sometimes with ridiculous comments that should be punishable, but they make me laugh and that's a problem. Though I feel as though I have made little progress and it is going to be the fifth week of school, that progress base is the curriculum, and I do feel like I am making progress with the topics that my students are missing. Adding and subtracting decimal numbers...try this one at home:
230 + 5.79 = ?
So many of my students will get 8.09 for the answer...and they are in 7th grade if you have forgotten. Though they may have been taught for years and years to line up the decimal place, that the decimal goes at the end of a whole number, they somehow don't retain it over the summer. We have summer math packets that get sent home...I think 2 of my 80 students did it. We see this constant cycle of regression every summer, but what can we do for those students when they are not in school? We can't go home with them and force them to do math, or to read, or to write other than texting over the summer...so what can we do? What can I as just one person do? We need a better system to help those students who are in very different environments from my home growing up. Our system right now is not serving the students who live in poverty stricken areas such as Bridgeport, such as the Mississippi Delta, such as the Rio Grande Valley...our system is fine for students in more affluent areas, which doesn't mean they have to be rich. They are fine for students growing up in a middle class area, going to a middle class school. But it is FAILING to serve students, to teach students, to help students grow in these areas previously mentioned. We need a better plan, we need a better system, and most of all, we need better leadership. Don't give me any less than your very best! We need to fight for our kids, and honestly, I don't see it happening...yes, I am frustrated by the lack of consequences...but even worse than my frustrations is the fact that the lack of consequences and teaching them how to be good citizens is failing them, not me. I have another choice, I have another option. My students do not. We all need to fight for them, whether you are a para or a principal. They need us.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Back to School!
Hello to all! I hope you had a wonderful summer break!!! I am ready for the new school year and cannot wait to see my kids. I remember how sad I was to leave them for the summer, but also how relieved I was to have time off. Year 1 of teaching...what an experience that was. It seems like just a blur at this point in time. I am happy to say that I did get to see a few of my students this summer, and it made me even more excited to come back. It will never be the same without my first homeroom, and I don't think I will ever forget them:)
On a different note, Ryan has been hired as a math teacher at Achievement First Bridgeport Academy (AFBA). He will be teaching 7th grade math along with me! Achievement First is a charter school with locations in NY and CT. It is a non-profit organization with a single goal in mind - to deliver on the promise of equal educational opportunity for all of America's children. I am so excited about this job for him. Not only does it work towards his goal of being a teacher and have purpose, but he is continuing to amaze me with the passion that is coming from him as he learns more and more each day about educational inequity. In all honesty, I think he might possibly have learned more in the past two weeks than he retained from college due to the pertinence of the material! He comes home spouting off information about the achievement gap, techniques for the classroom, and sharing inspiring movies. I am sitting here tonight with Ryan and our good friend Liz, and he says, "the achievement gap - we are all three working against that!"
I am so proud of the hard work that he is putting into his new job. He will be the first one to tell you that his major was not work intensive, and I never really saw his hard work in football because I didn't watch him practice, and a game is just a game to me (no offense Ry). Needless to say, I have never seen him work this hard and have such enthusiasm about the work that he is doing. I have a feeling that AFBA is really pleased with their choice in him. His enthusiasm towards closing the achievement gap is inspiring to me! He is seriously owning his work, his goals, and his love for education, and I could not be more proud! As he speaks about teaching and pedagogy, all of the vocabulary that I learned last year during TFA training is coming out of his mouth.
I am very thankful for the opportunity that he has been blessed with. He is coming into his own, and this is the best thing that could have happened for him. It is inspiring his intellectual side, and challenging him every day. Tonight he told me his aspirations to go on to get his doctorate and work in school leadership someday!
We are both going into the battlefields together, fighting the achievement gap. Too many people in America are oblivious of the fact that our education system is failing our children. Those who do recognize it are doing one of two things: 1. Making sure that the laws that that keep teachers protected and students 'moving on' OR 2. Working relentlessly to ensure that all of our students are given the opportunity to obtain a great education - at any and all costs.
Please click on the link below to get an idea of exactly what I am talking about.
Please continue to pray for our children who are underprivileged. Love to you all!
God Bless,
Emily
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The End
It is so close to the end of the year that I can almost taste the summer! With six days left, and a few of those that I will be out of town for Ashley's wedding, I am so thankful for it to be done.
I know that so many people are envious of teachers and the extended summer vacation, but in all honesty, it is a MUCH NEEDED break. Just imagine, babysitting 70 hormone-ridden students, 180 days of the year...if that doesn't stress you out at the thought of it, you must be an angel! I am still so completely in love with my job, and I love my kids to no end...I guess you could say it is bitter-sweet that it is coming to an end because I will miss my kids soooo much this summer (most likely I will be at basketball games, soccer tournaments, and driving through their neighborhoods to keep up with them!) One of the things that I am thoroughly looking forward to is becoming a better teacher. I know that I tried my best, and I worked hard, but MAN! This is a tough job, and I had NO IDEA what I was doing - now I don't feel too badly about saying that because is it true to almost any first-year teacher across the country!
This coming summer is exciting because of the upcoming professional development and feedback that I will be getting from Achievement First, a charter school in Bridgeport that I will be teaching summer school at for two weeks in July. Their model is based in constant feedback to improve instruction. Not only will this help me teach better, but I will also know HOW to plan this summer. I knew so little about a Long Term Plan, a Unit Plan, or even a Lesson Plan last summer that it even seems comical. I am so excited for the extended amount of time that I will have to work on all of these things, as opposed to one weeks before school starts to scramble about.
I have definitely learned SO much about myself this year, and the implications that my personality have on my students. I continue to understand my meaning, my purpose here, and it continues to amaze me. Humbly growing in a stressful environment has been a challenge, but I have tried to ask for help every time that I am in over my head, I have tried not to judge my peers or my students, and I have worked as hard as I can (most of the time).
Thank you to all of the people who have supported me, encouraged me, listened to me, and prayed for me. All of you have had a positive impact on my first year in TFA and my first year as a teacher. Love to you all!
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